Startled by Existence

the note:

(5thGrade) to a Miss Wendy Wayne , whom I gazed at relentlessly for a period spanning three years. She was utterly beautiful, blazingly fast, and did back-handsprings during recess. I joined her. One day, when the ardor became too much, I decided to declare what everyone could see. I would confess my love and seek her response. When everyone was out of the classroom on a break, I snuck back into class to place the “woo-note” in her desk. I’d prepared it the night before, diligently decorating it with many hand-colored flowers. I even brought along a little necklace, pillaged from my sister. After checking to see that all my classmates were gone, I pulled a book from her desk to insure the right place (We had switched desk spaces that same day.) Wendy’s notebook was right on top. I placed the note in the desk and left with a thudding heart.

The next morning, Girls in the hall began to snicker. Outright laugh. Then one girl, who knew me and was kind, came up and queried: Kirk, did you really mean to give that note to Wendy Harnage?

Wendy HARNAGE! Oh dear, . NO OHHHHHHH No…

no owhat a jerk…that note that was for Wendy Wayne .

Dear Wendy

I love you. Do you love me?

Check box yes or no.

Soon after, and against my protests, my protector (who was experienced in the stuff of fifth-grade romance negotiations) declared she would Go to the two Wendy’s and correct all. The incorrect-Wendy took the news well and even granted me the privileged status of “a friend who is a boy but not my boy-friend”

As for the most beautiful girl in-the-word-Wendy, all she said was :

Go to Hell.